FREE TAXI RIDE, FROM A SELF-DRIVING CAR

With the inevitable invasion of self-driving cars, our debutantes and celebrities will have yet another way to rub their laziness and wealth in our faces. That’s right, instead of paying a driver they’ll buy a “low priced” one from some foreign company, i.e. Honda, and get driven around by robots.

By fricken robots.

They will have all the free time and both hands to do rich people stuff like cheat on taxes or get divorced.

Meanwhile, us peasants  will need to continue using both our weary arms to turn that steering wheel while our bloodshot and dehydrated eyes look for dangers in the road.

Unless, of course, you’re walking. Then it may be even more dangerous for you to exist. Imagine if those cars got hacked, or just had wrong directions.

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Yeah, buddy, you’d be robot fodder. Meanwhile Bill Gates Rothschild Trump Jr. up there gets to his destination safe and unharmed. So how fair does that seem? I wanna get from place to place without being ran over by a robot. But how can I do it?

WITH A FREE SELF-DRIVING CAR, that’s how.

Think of this, when we have self driving cars, companies are going to make bank. They don’t need to pay for a driver. Granted, all that profit may have to go to insurance and security and programming and whatnot however, there would be no salaries, 401k, or benefits to provide to your drivers. It’s a brilliant business plan.

“Okay, sure Nibbets, but in order to make profit you need to have an income.”

Your powers of deduction are outstanding! So let’s talk about how we’d make it free. It’s rather simple. How does Youtube make their videos free? The same way mobile apps are free.

WITH ADS!

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So the above is a more modest version of what I’m talking about. Obviously, being that you will not be driving, there wouldn’t be much need to see out the windows so the virtual ads would probably litter the screen. Stationary stickers and other ads may be accompanied but more than likely there will be screens or augmented windshields that will run predetermined ads. This way the taxi would be free of charge, including not having to tip your driver.

Stepping it up on notch, the ads themselves could be relevant to where you need to get to or what shops are around your destination. This would add (no pun intended) a whole new level of target marketing.

For instance, say you were headed to Target to go get some school supplies. Wile your robot-on-wheels drives you there it displays videos of a quarter pound patty with freshly cut lettuce in a freshly baked bun served with an ice cold Coke. Now you’re hungry and craving a burger (typically). Well what a coincidence! There just so happens to be a burger King RIGHT NEXT TO TARGET!

The revenue of these ads would be huge because the cabs would be used relentlessly throughout the day by people who just want a free ride to their destination.

Increasing Revenue

So let’s talk about other ways self-driving cabs can profit from us peasants. More than likely there will be certain limits to who can drive these cars. For instance, one may need a PayPal account or credit card or, at the very least, be 18 with proper ID. If the former is the case than it could be an option to either pay to mute/stop the ads or possibly play video games. I mean, let’s be honest, if I had the chance to play an augmented reality (AR) game where I shoot the pedestrians through the windshield you bet your ass I’d be driving around the city all day.

OMG… WHAT IF THERE WAS A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE AR GAME IN THE CAR WHERE THE PEDESTRIANS ARE ZOMBIES AND THE BUILDINGS ARE ON FIRE?!?!

That would be ideal because the younger generation would love a little game while arriving to their destination.

But beyond that, maybe the money doesn’t come from the rider and instead, comes from a marketing company or YouTuber who pays the cab company to give the option for riders to watch their video instead of ads. The trick has been done before with Hulu where they give you the option to watch a longer commercial at the beginning of the show and no ads throughout. It’s a great concept and I’m sure I would choose that option over various ads throughout my pleasant ride.

Free Taxis Now!

In reality, this sorta thing may be closer than you think. It’s a great idea and I’m sure someone smarter and richer than myself will actually make the investment into this company once self-driving cars have been perfected. I, for one, would love the idea. I understand there are tens of thousands of people in every city who would want one so it would be difficult to acquire a car when it first begins but eventually self-driving cars could be the primary mode of transportation. Then we can all be safe from rich people… more than likely not because by the time free taxis are in mass production rich people will probably have flying cars, or teleports or other stuff we plebs know nothing of.

Enjoy the ride!

-Nibbets

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